Here Without You
by JustAnotherCaskettFan
Summary: One-shot inspired by Here Without You from 3 Doors Down. Kate may have ruined her chance to be with him. Rated T for angst.


A/N: I suddenly got this idea while listening to the song _Here Without You_ by 3 Doors Down. One-shot. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. They all belong to Andrew Marlowe, the genious!

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Beckett slid down to the floor with her back against the door. Sobs were racking trough her body and tears streaming down her face. She felt as if her heart had been pulled out, cut to pieces, and stuffed back in again. The conversation had played over in her mind since it happened.

"_I care so much about you, but you won't let me in! I try and try to be patient, but you don't give me anything to fight for. I love you, Kate. I would do anything for you, and you know that. So why won't you let me in? Let me help you get through this!"_

"_Castle you know I suck at voicing my troubles, and I try bu—"_

"_The hell you try" his eyes showed a heart ache she had never seen in his eyes before. "If you had tried you wouldn't close me out when you are hurting. When I ask if you are okay, you just nod, even when I see your blood shot eyes and the dried tears on your cheeks. I can see that you are in pain, but it will just continue to be bad if you don't let anybody in! Let me be that guy." He looked like he was about to give up, and Kate saw that as her chance. _

"_I… I'm sorry, I can't…" she sighed. Anger flashed before his eyes, then hurt, before they closed down._

"_Well, then I guess I don't have anything more to fight for. I give up. We're over." He turned around and walked out of the break room towards the elevator. Then he disappeared inside, and she was alone. _

Beckett had never felt so helpless or heartbroken before in her life. Losing her mother had almost destroyed her life, losing him was not just destroying her life; it was losing it. He was always there for her. Every day she tried hiding her problems from him, but there was no use. He saw straight through her, he always had.

When the sobbing subsided a bit, she raised up and walked to her bedroom. When she came inside the room, she fell onto the bed, and the sobs started again. She hated nothing worse than she hated being weak. Still, he needed her to let him in. Who could blame him, really? There was not much of a relationship if they could not be there for each other. He was there for her, but she would not let him. Now her own stupidity had broken her heart and crushed her soul, robbed her of her future, and made her destroy her own life. She was hurting so bad, and the only place she knew she would find comfort, was in his arms. Now she had destroyed that. God, she was stupid.

As the tears had started to dry on her cheeks, she looked over to her bedside table. Why did she do that again? Because there he was; his perfect smile shining to her from the small wooden frame. She realized how bad she had messed up.

Her life was over. She knew there was no point in living without him. Her mother had left her, but not intentionally. Besides, that was not her fault. To know that you did what she had done to Rick to someone that important to you, and know that they were still out there, but having to live without them. That was pure agony. There was no way she found a reason to live anymore. She could just as well swallow a bottle of pills. That would at least end her misery. There was no way this was any way to keep on living; that's for sure.

She laid there on the bed crying and sobbing for hours, thinking the same thing over and over: _you lost him, you screwed up, and you scared him away_. Then she realized something. She did not want to give up on her life yet. There was a chance she could get her life back. She just had to give it one more chance, she had nothing to lose now, but her entire life to gain.

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His door seemed so scary and big, but she had to knock. There was no way she could stop it now. This was her last shot at taking her life back. If she screwed this up, there was no way she could go on living. Her hand almost raised itself, and she knocked on the door.

She could hear his steps inside, and then the door swung open. He was standing there, looking angry and broken hearted at once, and all she wanted to do was run into his arms and hug him like her life depended on it. Which, at the moment, was not that far from the truth.

"Kate, I have nothing more to say. Get lost, okay?" She felt the pieces of her heart twist, but she had to do this.

"Rick… Rick, I love you" it was her first time admitting that, but there was no way she did not mean it. "You… you are my world, Rick. I can't do this without you"

He interrupted her "Kate, just-"

"No, just let me finish. I know I don't let you in as much as you would like, but I am trying. And I am willing to try harder, just don't do this. Because without you… without you I have nothing to live for anymore. When you left me earlier, you shattered my heart. I was so broken, and you were the reason. Still, with you was the only place I wanted to be. Your arms were the place I needed to give me comfort. You are the only one that holds the power to shatter my heart like that, but you are also the only one that has the ability to put it back together again."

"Kate, I-"

"I'm not done." Now that she was on a roll, she would not let anything stop her. "Before you, my life was broken. My mother's death had defined it. Then you came along and changed that. Slowly, you brightened up my world. And when you left today, I realized that not only did you rebuild me; you captured me. Without my mother I was broken. Without you I am nothing. Rick, please. I don't think I can let you leave. I wouldn't survive it. Please, please give me another chance. I cannot promise I will stop hiding my feelings, but I will try and open up. Everything for you. You are my life now. Please"

She was sobbing again, tears streaming down her face. He was quiet. _There goes your last chance at a life,_ she thought. Then he took two steps forward, drew her into his arms, and crashed his lips against hers. His kiss was passionate and rough, like he was kissing her for dear life. She was clinging to her just as dearly. He was everything for her, and as long as she had him, there was nothing else she needed. She knew she would be alright.


End file.
